This week has been long. It has felt longer than usual I think because we're in a waiting pattern ... apply for job, WAIT to find out whether we progress to get any further. I'm in a waiting pattern with another 9 weeks or so before we see bubba. The kids are in a pattern of 'at the new house' you can have XYZ that is currently packed away.
As I wait, I find my gaze wandering off the path, into others lives - someone passed on a link which gave me some thoughts on the wandering gaze. From reading this, I started to wonder if stating our thoughts and feelings may give the wrong impression, or whether stating them is wrong, whether my head was in the right space. I appreciated the person who sent it to me - don't get me wrong - and I know it was sent with lots of love - but I'm still pondering the whole grass in greener on the other side thing.
Does the fact someone elses situation could be or is worse mean that we have to minimize what we personally are going through? There is a deep thought for a Sunday afternoon.
To be honest, my first reaction to that question is no - we don't need to minimize our thoughts and feelings. I think it can temper our reactions to things, knowing others have it different/tougher - but at the same time giving credence to the situation you are in helps you deal with it. I can easily list for you all the things I am blest with - and that list will be majorly longer than my 'I'm struggling to cope with' list. But - in honesty, the struggling to cope is where I am at right now. I'm not in a place where I can jump up and down and sing about the sun coming out tomorrow. My head and heart go between knowing, trusting, faithfulness, wavering. Sometimes I feel like a fake Christian - if I was a real one, wouldn't I be bouncing up and down in joyfulness about trials building up my faith?
BUT you know what? My faith means I'm strong enough to admit when I am down. My faith means that while it is hard, I know who will raise me up. My faith in God the Father and His Son the Lord Jesus Christ means I am given some strength to read and grasp hold of verses such as these:
Isaiah 40:31
31 But they that wait upon the Lord
shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles;
they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
I want to affirm to you that it is OK to struggle with waiting, don't minimize it to yourself or others just because you feel you shouldn't be moaning. Waiting is hard work ... but the promise is there also ... we SHALL run and SHALL walk, the weariness or waiting WILL be over. The LORD will renew our strength when we wait on Him.
It means I can read and sing with David Psalm 103. I know whom I have believed in. The waiting game isn't easy - whether we're adults waiting for a job, a mama waiting for a baby, a woman waiting for two pink lines on a pregnancy test, a single waiting for Mr or Mrs Right, a child waiting for toys out of a box, a baby waiting for a bottle. Any waiting is hard - and today I want to acknowledge that and everyone who is waiting and wanting.
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