Last night 2012

Posting because I have the time ... not sure if we'll stay up that late, but the wee one often wakes around 11ish, so might wait up.
Had a wonderful evening with friends ... so thankful for life right now, thankful for an amazing husband, kids, friends and family.
For the knowledge of knowing that "I am the righteousness of God in Christ"
For the simple blessings of health and happiness

For the things I take for granted most days, water and technology to connect with friends overseas and up country and even just up the road. 

For a space and freedom to write my thoughts.
The freedom, space and time to read others thoughts.

Life and living it all the more abundantly.

My 7 children, although two never made it into my arms, I still remember them and all those couples who have angels babies.

Amazing thankfulness for special online and telephone friends who have had their arms filled this year - miracles do happen!!

May your memories of 2012 be happy ones, may 2013 bring you grace and favor.

Things I'm loving

Playing along with Meghan at MNM's

Things I'm loving ... no photos but I am loving the amazing gentle rain that has come over the last three days ... yip, hard with five kids and us inside more of the time, but so needed and thankful for it!!

Things I'm loving

Summer Time

Well, it has definatly arrived.  The past week has been above twenty five pretty much all day.  The mornings have been spent mooching around at home, and after naps we have been heading down to the school pool and swimming.  G is loving this and really into it, he can touch the bottem and the week of lessons just before school ended has given him amazing confidence.  B isn't so sure, we have a swimsuit for him that helps him float, and we stay within arm's reach.  L likes it, but only with us - she doesn't like the float suit.  C doesn't come in, we don't want to force it, and he's not ready.  He gets a big bucket of water to muck about with.  It is great family time.  A is usually fed when we get there and then dozes in the buggy ... great to cool off in the afternoon like that.

Last night we put the fan on in our room for the first time, it's attached to the ceiling (otherwise I would have moved it into the kids room) ... but it was AMAZING the difference it made. 

We're heading towards the end of the year ... I have some things in my head that I would like to type about, but need to get them organised there first, before I try typing. 

Main thing is that in this coming year I want to learn how to be more comfortable in my own skin.  No second guessing myself, grow in confidence and self-esteem.  I am a beloved princess of the KING of kings ... I am the Righteousness of God in Christ!  No matter what ...

On a physical level ... I'd love to complete a half marathon.  But that might have to wait till I've weaned A ... so we'll leave that open.

Secret Santa

I'm a sucker for a seret Santa ... I love being able to buy or make something for someone and just pop it in the mail and know they'll love getting a surprise in the post.

One of the forums I belong to does this each Christmas time.  This year I took part in a couple  ... thought I would share what I was blesssed with. 

 One of my secret santas gifted me a photo frame with rustic farmy type letters spelling out the word GRACE.  This is a word that has had amazing meaning for our family over the past year.  It suits us perfectly and is hanging above the fireplace in the lounge. I popped the card that came with it on top, as I'm planning on framing that later as well and bringing it out each year, it's a work of art on it's own also.

The second swap was a homemade gift swap. This is only half the parcel (the bits I could collect this morning after my darlings had been helping me.  The owl is a wheatie, which Miss 3 has adopted.  I am thinking I might actually make some more similar - such a brilliant idea - to pop in the freezer over summer for bumps and bruises - much more fun that a packet of peas.  The rose is a wee pin cushion, which despite all my sewing I didn't have.  It is going to come in super handy.  The sugary goodies were some peppermint fudge (not photo as I had kids trailing me and I didn't want to reveal it's hiding place) and some candy canes with a marshmallow on the end.  There were three felt ornaments which are currently in B's bed (mine mama!!) and also an apron, christened the day it arrived and in the wash already. 

Thank you to the amazing ladies and their families that have blessed and bought cheer to our house!! 

5 Under Five

Summer shoes for 5 under Five

That's my new business ... well hopefully a hobby business.  If you're on Facebook look it up in the search engine - otherwise I'll try and pop a link onto the main page of the blog here (not so technically minded, so might take a few goes).

5 Under Five  Hopefully that link will works ...

Aiming to get some used baby clothes and pictures of the wipes I can make also on within the next week or so ... with our family being finished (for the foreseeable future from our side anyway) it's time to downsize.  I won't pretend it is easy (the whole head vs heart of being finished) but this is us now, and I need to enjoy and be the best for the family I have.

It's something I've been wanting to do for awhile now - so here's hoping it will take off - well, enough for ice-cream money for the summer for a start :-)

Finally

It is quiet in the house.  I've fed the baby girl, the next one up has dropped off again after an early morning bottle - the only sound - well, while I typed that sentence was the cat wanting to be fed.  Of course I jinxed it the minute I typed and there goes a voice 'Mum'.

It's 6.15am(ish). 

Biggest news ... we have finally moved.  A tad closer to town but still rural enough to be away.  It's a rental, but we're working on getting over the 'fear' of that.  The LL's wanted long term tenants, so hopefully their version of long term and our version of long term match up.  It has some land, and the DH will hopefully be sorting out a garden of some sort this week for us.  It's nice and close to a wee rural school, so the biggest boy could start school last week. 

I think the school starting has been a bit change for us all.  He's loving it (for the most part) - but he's a social wee man, so I wasn't too worried about that.  He's shattered by the time 6pm comes around, so it's pretty early bedtimes here.  B and M are starting to play more independantly of each other, M with her dolls in her own room while B goes off and finds hidey holes in the overgrown garden spots.  C is the one missing his brother the most I think.  I did a big bake up on Saturday so hopefully that will do school morning teas for the next week.  I'm making everyone's lunch/morning tea in the morning then it's a bit easier for the other kids during the day as well.

I'm still waiting to here on a part time job for myself - not sure how that will work, but it will be good for the soul/mind and bank account.

Anyway - must go and get said school lunches organized, everyone will be up and at it before I know it.  Hopefully back again later this week with a post on being pro-choice.

Worship music

I am loving being able to worship through music.  One of our family's favorite things to do at the moment is sit behind Utube and google worship songs and sing together. 

Here is one of my favorites:
UnMerited Favor from the New Creation Church in Singapore

My favorite singer at the moment is Matthew West, probably because the album we have is filled with amazing testimonies that have been transformed into songs - topics that many Christians class as 'taboo' such as abortion, sexual abuse, divorce etc.  You know what ... love goes over that.  It isn't about you, me and what we've done, but it's all about the amazing love and favor of Jesus for us in his death on the cross. He became sin that we would be free! 

Matthew West can be found on Utube I will try post some links later, but the song Broken
Girl and Strong Enough are two that strike cords with me, along with Legacy.


In other life ... we're exploring starting our own busines.  It's scary, it's exciting - but it is a great step forward.  I'm also applying for teaching jobs, which is also scary, exciting.  I have been in two minds about teaching, part of my mind screams out "NO how could you, you hated your mum working" but the other part of me know that a part time job will be the best thing for my mental health and for our family in the long run.  I am excited about teaching, it is something I feel like I 'know' how to do as opposed to parenting.  I know I am a parent - whatever I do 'outside' the home.  I am learning (slowly) to stand up for myself and my beliefs, and have faith in the knowledge that our family's decisions are our decisions - people are free to give their opinions and most do so because they care alot - but I do not need to take them all personally.  I am loving the freedom we as a family have found the joy of Christ.  So that is it. 

Baby is growing like a weed.  13 weeks today.
Next one up is starting to be more understandable - sleeps worse that the baby.
Middle Miss - struggling with finding her feet in the middle.  Not quite a big kid, not a baby either.
B - our carer who loves to snuggle
G - five and counting down till starting school next year.

DH - the love of my life.  Can't imagine this life journey without him.  He makes me cry, smile, and all the emtions inbetween.  I see a strong man of God who blesses our family. 

Hoping to write more when the mood strikes, although have some more ideas floating about for writing projects as well.

Survival

We're kinda in survival mode here.  Lots happening with everything.  Someone wise said once, don't write unless it comes freely ... so I haven't been.  Hope to be back on the other side.

Finally

I'm having a few minutes to actually sit down and get some thoughtful typing done.  Life has been knocking me about a bit - but I am so thankful for those people in my life, some whom I haven't even met in person who have been supporting me.  I've chatted to a dr. about PND and we have a support system ready to go if I feel I need it.  I'm currently feeling more 'up' than 'down' - it's kinda hard to describe ... but the major mood swings and a few other things worried me enough that I decided it was time to get some professional help.  I'm no good to myself, my husband, my kids or my friends if I have a total meltdown.

On the sunny side of life, the weather has really picked up, which may have helped the sunshine mood the last few days.  Where we are it is super windy (as in too windy almost to hang wash) - but has been helping things dry out, so not so much mud about the place.  The kids can almost go outside without being bundled up like a snow bunny - although rain pants are still practical in terms of the mud/dirt playing that goes one.

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We're hoping that in about ten days time we'll know where we're at with a couple of CVs that have been put in ... praying that the LORD will clearly show us the way, in a timely manner.


The biggest child is about to turn 5 (WHERE DID THE TIME GO?????).  We're waiting with school for him until we know where we'll be living.  I like both of the schools that are close to the possible new job options, so I'm not to worried about that.  He's super excited about turning 5 - can't wait to head to school.  He's a social wee man, so I'm not to stressed about him finding and making new friends.  He has asked for a helicopter cake for his birthday - so that will be a fun make. 

The wee girl has just gone 6 weeks - she's got reflux, and if she isn't sleeping or eating or being held by me, she pretty much cries.  That is hard.  Actually, it's very hard.  I have another doctor's appointment for her next week - so if things haven't turned a corner we'll talk about some other ideas.  Thankfully she now takes a dummy, so that has helped the crying a bit - I may had to bite the bullet and cut dairy myself and see if that makes any difference at all.

The last but one is finally walking ... he's loving getting around faster, and especially enjoys joining the big kids outside.  The big girl (well, 3 in december, so not that big) is my baking buddy, and the nearly 4yr old is our pickpocket ... all the toys end up in his pockets or up his bunk, amusing for the most part, until you find out he's pocketed little things of ours he's found here and there.

Right, I'm off to top up the wee miss and then hopefully she'll do a good stretch of sleep and I'm going to have a catch up nap as well.

The sun will come out ....

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Tomorrow .... Well, I have been feeling alot more positive in the last couple of days.  Despite lack of sleep, it has felt like the sun has moved from behind the clouds for a wee bit.  While I'm not little miss sunshine all the time, it is nice to be able to see some times with the sun shining. 

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The goal for tonight ... no 3 hour parties by a three week old at midnight.  If you're on Facebook at midnight ... might see you there!!

Three weeks

If I'm really honest - I'm struggling.  Struggling with keeping the faith mostly - I feel almost guilty because it seems my faith is slipping, lagging behind - like it should be bouying me up at this time, when honestly, sometimes it feels like another thing to deal with, or another thing to be guilty about.

Life seems to have both slowed down and sped up in the last three weeks.  It has been and is really hard to me to sit back and let DH take over - especially when he seems to do it so much better than I feel I was.  I overdid it yesterday (not asking for help with jobs I wanted done and lifting mr. 15 months) and today I am paying for it.  Pain.  So, moral of story, no you're not actually 100% yet, and even if you feel it, you're not.  When they say 6 weeks - they mean it.  Well, at least we're half way through.  That's got to be a bonus.

The Missy is going great for a three week old - we have the same issue of thrush that we've had with all our babies, I'm actually surprised we made it to three weeks.  Thankfully it only seems like it is on her wee bottom at the moment, so hopefully we can contain and treat it.  Will google some more natural remedies once I'm done here.

I'm struggling with the whole work/job/home situation.  I keep repeating to myself "I know the plans I have for you, plans for good and hope for a future" but mostly it seems hollow at the moment.  Things seems to be in shades of grey, even in the sunshine.  Well meaning and good intentioned people give suggestions about what we should do and where DH should be looking for work, but at the end of the day - life will continue happening - and we have to go with it.  There are a few things we are applying for and investigating - and it's hard to explain to people that we are living one day at a time, when you yourself don't always get it.   I am thankful we have a house - but I am yearning for a place to call home.  I am thankful we have a government system that allows for us to eat and live - and still have some to share - but I do long for DH to be able to do the things he is passionate about and for me to be able to support him in that.  Actually, now I'd just settle for a car that fits us all in so we can go out together and do stuff.

I do need to give a big thankyou to my wonderful friends on the end of the old fashioned telephone.  You don't know how you have helped.  Enough of my moaning now ... I'm going to go and take a nap while the Missy is.

In random news ... knitting is going great ... have cast on a Sorello by Tikki - this time in machine washable Bendigo Red, after I felted the one I did for Melinda when she was 1yr ... this is a size three and I'm hoping I'll have enough oomph to go and do a matching one for the wee missy.  It is short sleeved, so will do transition of seasons well. 

Baby news

Well ... we're minus a bump now ... we welcomed our little girl into the world on the 29th of July at 6.15 am ... she threw us a bit of a curve ball in that after being in labor for 9 hours it was discovered she was frank breech.


So .. it was a whole of lot fast happenings, mostly I remember just crying and telling DH I just wanted her here safe ... I was very scared of the epidural, but they didn't want to put me totally under - so I just had to suck it up and deal with it (ok, at the end of the day it is still something I would hate to repeat but I"ll chalk it up to experiences - like the New World ad, do something every day that scares you).  There were lots of forms to sign (kinda hard when you have a lure in your hand and are contracting and in pain).  I am really thankful we were in the hospital, I'm thankful for a calm midwife and DH. 

Amazing things about her birth ... the same hospital midwife was on duty as has been on duty for all our children's births ... this to me is a total God thing.  She only works 3 nights a week, and that night was her first night, so she was my midwife overnight for the next few nights as well.  She is a friends Mum, and I've been so thankful she's been there with my own midwife for all the births.

Another God thing ... wee Missy was born on our friends birthday - super special ... we spent the night trying to call her as she was going to be at the birth, BUT couldn't get hold of her ... meant that she was able to be with me Sunday morning while DH went and had a rest and I have a trained nurse with me while the epidural wore off.  She was also working afternoon shifts while I was in hospital, so could come over before and after her shifts.  THANKYOU!!!

I'm thankful for many things surrounding this wee girls birth.  People keep asking me if i'm sad I had a C-section.  You know what ... NO i'm not.  I'm not all like, yahoo that was an amazing thing - but at the end of the day Missy is here and safe and that is what counts, not whether or not she happened to exit via the vagina or a cut in my abdomen.  I have a total awe for those who have had more than one C-section.  If i have to compare it to my vaginal births, they were a walk in the park compared with this.  Recovery is probably been the hardest, as we have four other wee ones, but my DH is amazing!! 

Anyways, the Missy is sleeping, so I better as well ... more later!!

Blessings

This morning I am blest:

With a baby boy who is happy playing with his cars and garage, even if it is 5.15am and he's been up and down like a yo-yo. 

A wriggly inside baby who we'll hopefully get to meet in person sometime in the next couple of weeks

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A smiling DH who is drinking his coffee behind me in bed.

The warmth of a heater behind me, the snugness of a  bathrobe and two mismatched socks (I tell you, my washing machine still eats them!!)

The wonderful afterglow of friends hospitality ... I rocked on up to a friends yesterday (it had been pouring and we needed to get OUT of the house) with my wee tribe, settled on the couch and knitted and even got to stay for dinner!  She's amazing and I'm so thankful for her opening her house and home to us - loved my dinner and felt spoilt by dessert!!  

My dessert looked like this - with icecream on the top!!!

I am thankful that I know the next six weeks are already in the LORD's plans - and that when God says in the Word " I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for." (paraphrase The Message translation Jeremiah 29:11) I can trust in Him ... I cannot see where we will live, work or anything else like that, but He has us in His hand!  How amazing is that!  All I need to do is rest in Him and that is (well, for me anyway) the hard part, to put down everything that my head says to be busy with and wait on Him!!

preggy photo shoot - thanks so much to Tash!!!

Sunday Thoughts

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Something I read this morning left an interesting thought in my mind.  We have a choice in our lives, we can choose to focus on all the failures in our lives and how we may not be the perfect witness of a walk with God, and how our actions and choices may 'grieve' God OR we can turn that around and claim the promises of God in our lives and live out of that faith and knowledge.  To be honest I think I would rather focus on the second part because when I focus on myself and my shortcomings (which I am in no way dismissing completely) , I miss the wondrous glory and complete sacrifice of Jesus for me on the Cross.    

One of the questions I read was 'what is it to walk with God?' - I would respond by using the words of another author "Trust in Jesus. Bet your life on Him. Take the crown off your head and lay it at His feet. Choose to believe what the Bible says about Him, that He died for the sins of the world – including yours – and rose victorious from the dead. Let others know that He is your Redeemer and King. Ask Him to fill you with His Spirit that you might know Him more." This author lists some key promises and blessings that we can claim ... and claim them I am!!!  When I am walking in faith, I am not having to " work hard to rescue myself.   The good news is that God himself has rescued me and qualified meand brought me nto the kingdom of the Son he loves (Col 1:12). God looks at you clothed with Christ and says, “you are worthy and your deeds are perfectly complete!” (Paul Ellis 11/4/2010)

 Here are some verses that I have been led to today regarding our righteousness only coming from Christ Jesus and being fully imparted to us ...

Isaiah 54:17
No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper; and every tongue that shall rise against thee in judgment thou shalt condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their righteousness is of me, saith the LORD.

Romans 3:22
Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:

 2 Corinthians 5:21
For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him

 Galatians 2:21
I do not frustrate the grace of God: for if righteousness come by the law, then Christ is dead in vain.

 Philippians 3:9
And be found in him, not having mine own righteousness, which is of the law, but that which is through the faith of Christ, the righteousness which is of God by faith:

 “The Holy Spirit never convicts (Christians) of your sins. He never comes to point out your faults…. It does not take a revelation from the Holy Spirit to see that you have failed. However, when you know that you’ve failed what you do need is for the Holy Spirit to convict you of your righteousness.” (p.135 -  Destined to Reign, Joseph Prince)

Past midnight

It's an hour and a half past midnight.  I have late pregnancy insomnia - think a trip to the chemist on Thursday for some rescue remedy will be a necessity.

Anyways ... here is what we're up to at the moment:

In terms of real paper books I'm reading:

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In terms of online reading:
http://www.newcovenantgrace.com/messages/

www.escapetoreality.org

It breaks my heart to read:
http://sparklingadventures.com/ Please join me in praying for this Mama and her extended family.

Blue day

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Faithfulness

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¹faith·ful

adj \ˈfāth-fəl\

Definition of FAITHFUL

 

 

2

: steadfast in affection or allegiance : loyal

3

: firm in adherence to promises or in observance of duty : conscientious

4

: given with strong assurance : binding <a faithful promise>

5

: true to the facts, to a standard, or to an original <a faithful copy>

— faith·ful·ly adverb

— faith·ful·ness noun

 

 

A faithful Heavenly Father and God is what I (and we as a family) have experienced this week.  I am taking the time to dwell and meditate on these verses (especially the highlighted words) in relation to my week so far:

 

 Psalm 37

³ Trust in the Lord, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.
⁴ Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

⁵ Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him,
And He shall bring it to pass. 

 

 

 

There are two stories from this week that I want to share with you ... First, on Sunday morning I was talking to my DH about the kids clothes, the fact that B needed some more long-sleeve tops, and G needed some long pants.  Later that day, I received message via Facebook from an accquanitance that she had a bag of clothes for my boys, would I like them.  Yes Please!! This wonderful lady blessed our family with what I would call a HUGE bag of clothes that arrived Tuesday lunchtime.  And ... you guessed it, inside, JUST what my boys needed - long-sleeve tops and long pants along with two wonderfully warm winter coats.  

 

The next story isn't so nice (well, from a human persepctive I guess) but after being shortlisted we missed the cut for another job.  

 

However ... what this week has taught me is that if God is so amazingly faithful in the little things, right down to knowing what is in my kids cupboards and supplying that need - how much more does He know the hidden or spoken desires of our heart ... and He will bring it to pass.  Maybe not in our timing - maybe not in our way - BUT He will  bring it to pass.  My personal faith was strengthened through the practical gift given to our family this week.  I am going to bring to recollection, remind myself, remember and FEED on the faithfulness of God.  He does indeed supply all our needs. 

 

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Green Grass and Waiting

 

This week has been long.  It has felt longer than usual I think because we're in a waiting pattern ... apply for job, WAIT to find out whether we progress to get any further.  I'm in a waiting pattern with another 9 weeks or so before we see bubba.  The kids are in a pattern of 'at the new house' you can have XYZ that is currently packed away. 

As I wait, I find my gaze wandering off the path, into others lives - someone passed on a link which gave me some thoughts on the wandering gaze.   From reading this, I started to wonder if stating our thoughts and feelings may give the wrong impression, or whether stating them is wrong, whether my head was in the right space.  I appreciated the person who sent it to me - don't get me wrong - and I know it was sent with lots of love - but I'm still pondering the whole grass in greener on the other side thing. 

Does the fact someone elses situation could be or is worse mean that we have to minimize what we personally are going through?  There is a deep thought for a Sunday afternoon.

To be honest, my first reaction to that question is no - we don't need to minimize our thoughts and feelings.  I think it can temper our reactions to things, knowing others have it different/tougher - but at the same time giving credence to the situation you are in helps you deal with it.  I can easily list for you all the things I am blest with - and that list will be majorly longer than my 'I'm struggling to cope with' list.  But - in honesty, the struggling to cope is where I am at right now.  I'm not in a place where I can jump up and down and sing about the sun coming out tomorrow.  My head and heart go between knowing, trusting, faithfulness, wavering.  Sometimes I feel like a fake Christian - if I was a real one, wouldn't I be bouncing up and down in joyfulness about trials building up my faith?

BUT you know what?  My faith means I'm strong enough to admit when I am down.  My faith means that while it is hard, I know who will raise me up.  My faith in God the Father and His Son the Lord Jesus Christ means I am given some strength to read and grasp hold of verses such as these:

Isaiah 40:31

³¹ But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

 I want to affirm to you that it is OK to struggle with waiting, don't minimize it to yourself or others just because you feel you shouldn't be moaning.  Waiting is hard work ... but the promise is there also ... we SHALL run and SHALL walk, the weariness or waiting WILL be over.  The LORD will renew our strength when we wait on Him.  




It means I can read and sing with David Psalm 103.    I know whom I have believed in.   The waiting game isn't easy - whether we're adults waiting for a job, a mama waiting for a baby, a woman waiting for two pink lines on a pregnancy test, a single waiting for Mr or Mrs Right, a child waiting for toys out of a box, a baby waiting for a bottle.  Any waiting is hard - and today I want to acknowledge that and everyone who is waiting and wanting.  

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And while we wait - I'm also giving thanks for those people, spaces and places who hold us up practically and in prayer ... sometimes all someone needs is a good vent and someone to listen - if you're one of those people or spaces or places in my life - THANKYOU - you don't know how helpful you've been.